


gonna love me again

by orphan_account



Category: British Actor RPF, Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Fluff & Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt & Comfort, M/M, Other, based on taron having dreams of losing everything, no capital letters is on purpose, this more centers on taron, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 10:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: TW for eating disorders.i hope this does not come off as offensive to anyone. this isn't meant to glorify or romanticize eating disorders at all. i have struggled with eating disorders myself and seeing rocketman hit me kind of hard even though elton's eating disorder is only featured about three times. i kinda just wanna get a message out that, you are loved and important to people.





	gonna love me again

taron and richard had only started dating about 4 months ago. richard had been the first to make a move, way back on the set of rocketman. it started out as just a couple makeouts back in the trailers, before moving on to friends with benefits. 

they both knew they had feelings for each other, but neither had admitted it to each other until after the film had wrapped and they were reunited for the rocketman press tour. the night after cannes was actually when they finally admitted their feelings to each other. they were connected at the hip for a few short weeks. 

then... the press tour ended and they had to part again. richard left to film eternals and taron was left alone with his thoughts for the next few months. taron, much like everyone else was human; he had his insecure moments. but while he was alone for two months, the dreams had started. 

there was a variety of them. all were pretty similar though. losing everything he had worked so hard for, being told horrid things and being belittled and humiliated in front of people, people hating him, losing richard. 

losing richard was one of his worst fears and most common of nightmares. what was also a common theme among his dreams was his body. taron was normally not someone to fret over his weight or body. sure he would get toned and slim down when he had a shirtless photo shoot or something, but other wise he didn't care all that much. 

but now, it felt overwhelming. taron wanted to be at his best. for the world, but most importantly for richard. 

it started with cutting out certain foods. carbs in specific. then became skipping meals, morning jogs, and in some times he purged. when he felt his clothes becoming slightly looser, a little bit of pride burst in him. taron felt like he was becoming better. thinner. prettier. 

he often got headaches and felt dizzy when getting up in he morning for his daily jogs. he tended to ignore it though. he'd just cut down on his runs if it felt like too much. he always felt better when he got his nightly facetime calls from richard. although, they were often fairly short due to both of their exhaustion. 

richard didn't notice much of anything. he had noted taron's face becoming a tad slimmer or the dark circles under his eyes during their facetime calls. but it wasn't something he thought much of, sadly. he figured taron was just tired or it was the dark lighting of the room.

then came the time for richard to return. both parties were very excited for a reunion and felt their hearts were just about to burst from anticipation. taron had been standing at the gate entrance for about 20 minutes now. a cup of black coffee in one hand, a bouquet of flowers in the other. it was about 4:30 in the morning and despise the bouquet in hands, still trying to be as low-key as possible. dressed in sweatpants, a cap, and one of richard's hoodies that was slightly oversized on him. 

as soon as he saw richard, he felt a huge wave of happiness wash over him. he threw his coffee in a nearby trash can and practically threw himself into richard’s open arms. so much for keeping it low-key, but neither could find a need to care at the moment. their worries were forgotten for the moment, the only things on their minds were each other. 

“t, sweetheart.” richard had whispered softly in his ear. the first thing richard had felt, well had been taron’s full body weight on him, but there was something different about him. richard couldn’t feel the same softness under taron’s clothes, he felt more sharp and light— fairly lighter than when he had held him last. richard had loosened his grip on the boy, as if taron was delicate enough to break. 

soft and gentle kisses were planted on richard’s bearded cheek as taron’s toes began to touch the ground again. 

“i missed you so much.” taron had finally spoke, arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck as they gently swayed. richard planted a kiss on taron’s forehead before pulling back to softly smile at taron, as a way of showing he returned the feelings.

as soon as they were alone in taron’s car, richard had interlaced his fingers with taron’s and glanced up at him, straight in the eye. 

“you okay, t?” he had asked in a gentle tone. taron gave him a small, tight smile as well as a nod back. richard sighed and turned back to buckle his seatbelt before slouching back in his seat. he wasn’t stupid. he had put the pieces together when he had felt taron in his arms, but it was hard to believe, to process. richard didn’t exactly know what to do at the moment. too afraid he would make the wrong move and taron would sink even deeper.

the drive back home was quieter than usual. there was a spotify playlist shuffled and playing on the radio, the soft hum of taron singing along, and the occasional questions of “how was filming?”, “what was it like?”. richard could feel the distance between he and taron, despite being no less than a foot apart and their hands interlaced on the armrest between them. 

once they had been parked in their driveway, their hands had parted and both were getting out of the car with no words spoken. apparently, taron has gotten out a bit too fast as he immediately reached for his forehead and stumbled back against the car door. he closed his eyes for a moment, just to catch his balance and keep his head from spinning. 

a gentle, yet rough hand had come to rest on his shoulder and taron had instinctively leaned into the comforting touch, despite feeling his heart beating at what felt like record speed. he knew the conversation that was about to happen. he could already imagine how disappointed and disgusted richard must be with him.

“taron, fuck— when’s the last time you ate?” taron slowly opened his eyes. he was a bit surprised to hear the soft and concerned voice rather than the yell and scolding he was expecting. 

“this morning.” taron knew richard didn’t believe him. richard knew taron like the back of his hand and taron had just lied straight through his teeth. the now shaking hand that had been resting on his shoulder had come to cradle the curve of taron’s cheekbone.

“don’t lie to me. please, t.” richard begged. taron felt his heart hurt at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice cracking. i did that. he thought. 

“i-i’m sorry. i’m making you upset.” taron had felt his own voice breaking whilst choking out that sentence. 

“taron. please.” richard’s voice had come back. stern, but still gentle. it was stronger now, but taron could still hear the clear and blatant sadness in his voice. 

“two days ago.” taron watched richard run his hands over his eyes whilst letting out a soft fuck before kicking at one of the tires of the car.

“why?” richard asked softly after he had calmed himself down. 

“i just wanted to be at my best for the world, for you. i don’t want to lose everything i’ve worked for.” taron admitted. 

“taron. you don’t have to try any harder. you’re already at your best. you’re taron fucking egerton, for god’s sake. people love you. elton loves you. your family loves you. dex, jamie, bryce, david–they all love you. i love you, t. you’re more than you may think or feel. i know it’s gonna take more than just a speech for you to know that, but we’re gonna get you help. it’s gonna be alright.” richard hadn’t even finished his speech before he was wrapping taron in a tight hug. he desperately wanted to take all of these negative feelings and thoughts out of taron’s head. but he knew right now, the best he could do was give taron his love and let him know, it was gonna be okay.

and for first time in a while. taron felt okay. he was gonna love himself again.


End file.
